7 characteristics you should look for and seek to personify before you start a romantic relationship.

The List of Seven:

1—A Good Name

I don’t mean names like Alex or Jordan—those are fine names, but they aren’t necessarily good names in the way that matters. A good name means that when people hear it, they don’t instinctively feel sorry for you for considering a relationship with this person. (Meaning: If your friends and family get to know them and don’t respect them, that’s a warning sign!) In Song of Songs 1:3, the beloved says of her suitor, “Your name is oil poured out; therefore the young women love you.” Her friends respond, “We will exult and rejoice in you; we will extol your love more than wine.” If you respect your friends and family but they don’t respect this person, take that as a red flag.

For those looking to start a romantic relationship: If you realize your name doesn’t carry respect, that doesn’t mean you can’t change. If people broadly don’t respect you, seek guidance from those you respect and learn how to grow.

2—A Steady Pursuer

I was going to say “constant pursuer,” but let’s be real—this isn’t a rom-com. However, Scripture tells us that love in marriage should reflect Christ’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:25). Christ pursued the church to the point of giving His life. If the guy you’re interested in isn’t pursuing you now—through intentionality, understanding, and honor (1 Peter 3:7)—why assume that will change after marriage? It’s incredibly unlikely. And this can lead to serious struggles (ask any marriage counselor; or simply my wife and I who have seen too many marriages fail).

For those looking to date: Actually listen to your friends, including those of the opposite sex. Develop a genuine interest in their concerns and needs. If you struggle to cultivate honor and respect, work on that—it’s biblical. Your potential partner is not just a romantic interest but a fellow image-bearer of God and, if they are a believer, a co-heir with Christ.

3—A Deeper Love for Christ Than for You

How is this person’s devotional life? Do they ever need to say no to your plans because they are prioritizing their spiritual growth? Do you feel like you are the absolute center of their world? If your answers are “I don’t know,” “no,” and “yes,” there’s a good chance they are putting you in a place that belongs to God. No worries—you might be doing the same. The solution? Jesus.

This doesn’t mean every conversation must be spiritual or that they should never have time for you because they’re always in their prayer closet. That would be a different issue. But if they seem more focused on the relationship with you than on their relationship with Christ, that’s worth pausing to consider.

For those looking to date: Seek a deeper relationship with Christ. Spend time in prayer and Scripture. If your first relationship (you and God) isn’t strong, what makes you think you’re ready for a second one?

4—A Healthy View of Church and Ministry

If they regularly say things like, “Babe, we’re doing church right now on this date—we don’t need to go,” that’s a sign they may not understand what church is. One of the best places to find a solid partner? Church. Why? Because it shows they value the body of Christ, recognize their need for community, and are committed to spiritual growth.

Look for someone who encourages you toward a deeper love for God’s people and has a heart for being part of God’s mission.

For those looking to date: Be actively involved in church. Serve. Grow. A healthy relationship starts with a healthy foundation in community.

5—A Desire to Be Wise

Plenty of people have degrees but lack wisdom. Don’t be fooled by credentials—look for someone who seeks wisdom and desires to grow in understanding. Proverbs 3:13-14 says, “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than the gain from silver and her profit better than gold.”

Do they seek out wise counsel? Do they respect their elders and heed advice? Obviously, no one starts with perfect wisdom, which is why the key is a desire for it. But beware of those who reject wisdom—that’s the mark of a fool (Proverbs 1:7).

For those looking to date: Pursue wisdom. Find mentors. Seek guidance in both spiritual and relational matters.

6—A Respect for Those Who Serve

Here’s the truth: If they don’t respect those who serve them, they won’t respect you. If they speak down to waitstaff, dismiss people who clean up after them, or treat service workers with disdain, they don’t understand what service truly is. And that likely means they don’t understand what it means to lead or love well (Genesis 2:18; 1 Peter 3:5).

For those looking to date: Respect those who serve you. Remember that “helper” is the same word used for the Holy Spirit’s role in our lives. Let that sink in. Then, grow up.

7—Accountability, Accountability, Accountability

There are a lot of things that could have made this list, but this one belongs on every list. If someone isn’t accountable to anyone, they aren’t ready to be in a relationship. If they aren’t confessing sins (James 5:16), seeking counsel (Proverbs 12:15), and allowing themselves to be sharpened by others (Proverbs 12:17), they are not ready to navigate a relationship that will inevitably bring challenges and temptations. (P.S.—You would make a terrible accountability partner for them.)

For those looking to date: Find accountability. And not just for sexual purity—accountability is about all of life. Be open. Be teachable.

Would you add another item to this list? Use the comments box below…